it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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