Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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