my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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