my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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