Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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