I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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