sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
