What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
