I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
