some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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