Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
