all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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