Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
