help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
