I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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