I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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