wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
