she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
