I think my vagina is haunted
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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