Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
