if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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