I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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