3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize