dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think my moral compass just broke
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