You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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