My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
