I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
