does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
