It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
