I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize