I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
