thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
