trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
