: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
