Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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