I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
