I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
