guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Text me some of your sweat
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
