he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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