I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
