i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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