there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize