Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
