the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
