I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
