I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
