It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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