You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
