Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
