i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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