I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
the liver wants what the liver wants
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
