So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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