Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
