I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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