Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
