Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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