I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
