I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
