The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
