i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize