Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize