history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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