So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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