Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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