Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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